I am rudely brought into the land of the living by a sound similar to a cross between the Hound of the Baskervilles and a banshee. Oh joy. A certain young lady has decided it's time for her morning ablutions and nothing is going to shut her up until she's been out. Still dark, bleary eyed I stumble into some clothes and into the garden with the 'bundle of joy'. Does she do her business? Of course not - there are sticks and stones to distract her.... 10 minutes later she eventually deposits a mountain which smells worse than a bookies toilet, turns round, sniffs it and has a quick lick - gross!
I bring her inside and collapse on the sofa for a well earned snooze...
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